I haven’t written in a while. So much to write, so much to commit, so much postponing. Layoffs were one huge thing that happened this year (on May 4. Yes, may the 4th be with you) that I wished not to postpone writing before end of year. Rooted in the event, was common themes like lost, friendship, identity, purpose, growth, trust. All of which were too emotional and confusing to set aside.
This job was my first full-time coming out of university, and the team I’ve been in for the past 1.5 years has grown so much. My manager during intern days quit, 5 new developers came during the 4 months I was on break, moved to a subteam, had a new manager, etc. Then one day, they stopped working and our journey bifurcates.
Some of my responses: - How should I console others? - There’s a lot to do, but should I commit? Does my work even matter? - My manager, one that has made me feel most supported/heard was fired. Who should I talk to? - 1st day went like “fuck it I’m not gonna work”. Then 2nd day came to sank it down further. “What now?” - To problem solve is to act like owners. How do I own when so much is out of my control?
Some of the responses from the company/people: - How do you continue on the quest after letting go of impactful people? - Show discontentment. The way we build world-class work is being open to calling out and telling others to step up. Love and anger shows that we care. It’s indifference that’s death. - Subtract projects/teams that don’t add a lot of value. Focus on the quest, the thing we set out to do for million of merchants we serve. - Why should I still be excited to work here? Some answers were: learn from exceptional people, serve greater good, ability to contribute. - We reshape ourselves to be leaner and more agile, something that’s necessary in this landscape. When you have limited shape, you try the best you can and reorganize priorities. As shape changes, you take different bets. - Parkinsons law: if you get a small group of really good people, and laser focused in certain areas, they tend to do them really good in a short time. - Writing less code and more work. The F word in business decisions: ‘Focus’. Focus on doing fewer things, and do them well. - Thank people before us for what they had built. - Remove toil
After layoffs comes the question of what’s next. And living the past quarter, I think I’m still working out the answer to that. Asking myself “What’s stopping myself from doing the best work?” - a lot of things. I figured that I had lots of stress around getting promotions, about finding my priorities, about the effort I wanted to spend on certain things. Maybe it’s just a job, maybe I had to slow down in order to focus, maybe it’s about developing your vision and choosing your battle. Prioritize.
So then, what’s my focus? What did I set out to do? Have I learned at the rate I wanted to? In the end, I came back to myself because that’s the one thing I should never deprioritize. After all, your work isn’t you. I reminded myself.