I had a post last year about my 2022 rhythm, being myself and in full awareness of the presence. 2023 felt like the opposite. It was turbulent and came with all sorts of frustrations and discomfort, but it was eventful and it helped me grow because of it. Waves of shocking discoveries came crashing to humble me as I learned to keep up and make adjustments head-on to incrementally make things better.
Honestly, change didn’t come easy. There was moments where i felt like i needed to try going to a therapist but held back, perhaps by the need to ‘save time’.
Here are some major highlights ✨ of 2023:
- Going back home for 3 months, working with a 12h timezone difference
- 3 months long distance relationship
- Going to japan (Tokyo osaka kyoto)
- Going to Singapore
- My mom coming to canada and meeting my gf for the first time
- Living with my gf
- Cooking a new delicious dish almost everyday
- Another month of LDR, as my gf travels around Europe
- Running regularly in the summer
- Survive layoffs
- Read 10 books
- Working on launching 2 side projects (hear from me soon!)
- Started crocheting
- Bought a switch for Boxing Day
- Stock going positive 📈
- Inviting friends over for dinner
- Took driving classes and got my driving license
Lots of wins! Excuse me as Ill take a moment to celebrate those, thank you.
✌️ 😀 ✌️
Now I will take few steps backward and talk about this year’s hurdles and biggest lessons:
Relationship. Origin and differences. Coping with uncertainties
There was definitely tension throughout the year, from the LDR, meeting my parents, my mom and my gf struggling to communicate due to language barriers, having different religions, nationalities, cultures, hobbies, and personalities. As soon as the honeymoon phase sheds, reality jumps in and shook us to the core. The tension builds and was unexpectedly at its climax the night we watched ‘The Elements’ movie, a story about overcoming differences and seeing a new world appear as two completely different worlds collide. After a night of back and forth we agreed to set our differences aside and learn to work and understand each other more.
Agreeing on where should we live? What is it gonna look like? If starting over doesnt work, whats the backup plan? Would we have to keep making compromises?
These are uncertainties that threw fuels at an ever burning quarter-life crisis. I learned that I had a big fear of being an immigrant. I initially thought it was nationalism but I think it was more out of fear/guilt for losing identity that I inherited. Maybe it was suffice to let my kids know where they came from, their complex ethnic identity, and teaching them cultural values that makes them unique, precious and creative individuals.
I’m too used to the freedom of living alone, that inviting someone new into my life seems like adding constraints on the future. Deep down, I think I know that new possibilities will open up when we start to truly embrace differences and share our perspectives.
Financial independence
This year I had a newfound value for money. Coming from a priveleged (and maybe ignorant) few, I don’t find a need to make huge purchases, and chasing money almost seems foolish. Yet, 2023 presents an urgency and new excitement for making money.
Maybe it could’ve been the expenses of being in a relationship, inflation, books like ‘Rich dad poor dad’, or financial instabilities happening throughout the year, like layoffs and promotion freezes. Waiting for promotions that never came also grew excruciatingly tiresome and morally draining, and I figure I should transfer that energy and frustration productively - towards things I can control.
This year, I’d spent some time keeping my expense sheets up to date, and started pursuing new business ideas in my free time.
Not enough time
Juggling my time for myself, my career, and my love relationship proves to be much more difficult than I imagined.
I stopped climbing to save money and give back time for other things. I stopped journaling and hadn’t spend time writing as much as I’d like to. Despite my gf encouraging me to spend time for myself when I needed it, it takes a lot of practice and adjustments to find a right boundary.
Don’t compromise your identity
Perhaps I’m guilty for the lack of communication, but I find myself making small compromises (ie. movies, music, spoken language) in the relationship that didn’t seem to be a big deal until I began looking back and feeling like I wasn’t myself. Identity crisis! 🚨
I’m learning that there’re quite some things that defines me, and there’s no reason to compromise unless it’s causing an inconvenience.
Advice I’d give myself 1 year ago:
- Enjoy the journey. Find out new things to love
- Don’t compromise yourself
- Balance your time between work, relationships, and yourself
- Be ambitious. Launch and network
- Make new friends
- Communicate, don’t keep things to yourself
Overall, this year was very eventful. It presented opportunities for me to learn, adjust boundaries when interacting with the world, and reinvent myself. My wish for next year is to have more courage to embrace and face the uncertain.